Modern Warfare 2
Platform: XBox 360, PS3, PC
Just what's going on here anyway?
The title explains it pretty well. Through this game you can experience all the elements of modern warfare, and I do mean all. Guns, bigger guns, explosions, betrayal, terrorism, civilian casualties, the brutal deaths of your comrades, it's all here. This is simply one of the best games I've ever played, and unless you really dislike shooting games, it should become one of the best games you've ever played too.
Is it FUN?!
Oh yes. You're usually playing as one of a team assigned to a particular objective which will require you to fight your way through waves of enemies using various sorts of weapons, usually guns, but there's plenty of other fun to be had as well. Sometimes you'll have to call in airstrikes or man rocket launchers or ride snowmobiles. The game is pretty fast-paced and you're not likely to get bored.
Is it interesting?
The story, which takes you all over the world from favelas in Brazil to snow-covered bases in Russia to fast food restaurants in America, is compelling and gritty and neither kills nor saves anyone solely on the basis of them being an enemy, an important ally or even your own character. The game tries really hard to simulate actual modern warfare; I'm not and will never be a soldier and so I don't think I'm in a position to tell you whether or not it succeeded. I did find it a bit too melodramatic at times, but overall, a plausible hypothetical scenario that clearly has a good deal of thought behind it.
Will it make me want to throw my controller across the room... again?
Depends on what difficulty you want to play. The introductory mission is a "test" to see if you get to join an elite squad (which you get to join anyway as long as you finish the thing at all), but it's also a quick tutorial on the game mechanics. When you've finished the game will recommend a difficulty setting depending on how well you did, but you can choose a different setting if you like. At the lower difficulty settings the game gives you an amazing amount of leeway; your bullets will kill even if your shots are somewhat inaccurate and you can take a lot of damage before dying. You can also auto-aim to some extent which makes everything that much easier. At the higher levels, as you would expect, things are a bit more difficult. After every... oh, about two? guys you kill, there's a checkpoint, so you'll never have to redo too much if you die. If there's one thing we love here at AGF, it's gratuitous violence... and also cookies... and... okay, if there are THREE things we love here at AGF, they are gratuitous violence, cookies, and frequent checkpoints. MW2 provides two of the three, so you see why I recommend it so highly.
Will this game consume my life?
After I started playing the campaign (single-player mode), I really didn't stop until I'd finished. However, the campaign is not *that* long and can be finished in a day or two with some dedication. The part of any Call of Duty game that really eats your life is the multiplayer, because what's more fun than watching your best friend's virtual body fly up in the air after you've lobbed a grenade at him? Sneaking up behind him, unseen, and knifing him in the back, that's what.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
This game is not really about the characters, but I guess they serve their purpose well enough. You'll get to see some of your old favourites from Modern Warfare; Soap is all grown up and in charge now, and there's another guy whose name I won't reveal so as not to give away the plot.
Is it worth it?
YES. If you haven't already, you need to buy this game. It's the best first-person shooter out there and a brilliant addition to the already excellent Call of Duty series.
Lego Batman
Just what's going on here anyway?
Did you love smashing up your brothers' Lego creations when you were a kid? No? Then you had less annoying brothers than I did. Lego Batman, Lego Star Wars and Lego Indiana Jones are all your favourite movies... now playable in Lego.
Is it FUN?!
Oh yes. Things smash up nicely and there are a large number of items to collect - in this case, Joker cards, minikits, red bricks, and lots and lots of Lego studs (used as currency in the game). The red bricks give you access to fun "extras" such as getting two, four, six or eight times as much money. These stack so that by the end of the game you can actually be earning 384 times as much money, which is just insane. Some of the red bricks unlock little minigames. The Joker cards are like baseball cards with Batman characters, vehicles or locations and a bit of info about each one.
The cutscenes are often quite humorously done and good for a giggle or two, and you can, over the course of the game, unlock most of the major Batman characters to play. Each one has special skills and can only use certain types of items and you have to work out how to use these skills together to get from where you are to where you want to go. You get two characters at a time, or eight in Free Play mode, and you can switch between them at will to use their skills as necessary. It's not generally that difficult, and if you really get stuck, try smashing everything. I consider this to be a winning strategy in pretty much all areas of life...
The two-character system means you can easily team up with a friend (a real-life friend, not a Lego guy... unless you're into that... but they tend to have some trouble with controls. It's a lot of jumping for a little guy. Or girl.) Anyway, yes, team up with a friend, each of you takes one character, and you play the game together.
The gameplay can get a bit repetitive, especially fighting. You don't usually have the option for much strategy beyond "hit this guy until he falls apart". I also get sick of doing essentially the same things over and over again to go from point A to point B. It might well take you ten minutes to get both your characters across the screen, and I personally find that gets tedious after I've done it several times.
Is it interesting?
The stories in Lego Indy and Lego Star Wars follow the movies with a few little tweaks to make them more suitable for the Lego game. I'm not sure whether the Batman stories were taken from somewhere or made up for the game, but they seem reasonable. You can play each one twice, once as Batman and Robin and then again, from the other side, as the villains in the story. It's an interesting twist and even though the settings are the same, you have to get around them differently and accomplish different goals, so it's not repetitive. My one quibble with the villains stories is that you don't get to fight Batman and Robin at the end.
Will it make me want to throw my controller across the room... again?
Most of the time your path will be fairly straightforward. It can be frustrating seeking out that last hidden minikit or ending a story with 99% of the studs required to get True Hero (or True Villain). On the whole, though, gameplay is pretty simple... definitely easy enough for this to be a good game for kids or for those new to video games.
Will this game consume my life?
Personally, I found the repetitiveness of this game to be a pretty good safeguard against addiction. There are six stories in total (three hero, three villain) and you can probably finish each one in sixty-ninety minutes at most. After that, the total time you'll spend on this game largely depends on how much time you want to put into running around and getting everything. If you're one of those who MUST HAVE every single item, you will have to play each level at least twice and possibly several times over. This is, however, an improvement over Lego Star Wars, where you had to play each chapter no less than four times in order to unlock all the achievements. And some of those levels included Jar Jar, so folks, this really was an undertaking. Lego Batman is quite short in comparison.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Most of your favourite Batman characters are here and you can play as them. They don't necessarily resemble their movie/comic book personas very much, being as they're made of Lego and don't talk, but you can play them and they are cute little guys, for sure!
Is it worth it?
I think Lego Indy was my favourite of the Lego games, but the mechanics of the three games are almost exactly the same and so you can really pick whichever story/character set you like best and then move on to the others if you like the style. You will have to do essentially the same things over and over again and if you're easily bored (or just, like, WAY too cool for kid stuff) then these games may not be for you. If, on the other hand, you're just after a bit of lighthearted fun or, like me, knew you were going to buy this from the second you heard the word "Lego"... then you'll probably enjoy the series quite a bit.
Dragon Age: Origins
Just what's going on here anyway?
Ah, the dragon-slaying story. There's a long history behind these, including Tolkien, Dungeons and Dragons, Dragonlance, World of Warcraft, and now Dragon Age, which testifies to the immense popularity of this sort of adventure story. It's a medieval kind of theme, but with less of the open sewers and high infant mortality rate and more of the magic and giant swords.
Is it FUN?!
Magic and giant swords are fun, yeah? This game has nice graphics as well, so you get to see your Arcane Bolts in all their glorious colourful splendour. There are the usual assortment of enemies, from giant spiders right up to dragons. The spells, as with the rest of the game, are nothing groundbreaking, but it's always fun to knock a large group of enemies on their asses with an enormous fireball. Also, you have the option to play as a dog.
Is it interesting?
Here's where I have a problem with this game. Sure, it's interesting if you like this style of game... but it's like World of Warcraft lite. Which is fine for a recovering WoW addict like myself. A similar game with less time commitment. Fantastic. The thing is that this game really adds nothing new to the genre. You play a human, elf or dwarf and can be a mage, warrior or rogue. The storyline is fine, but again, nothing new. You have a few moral choices to make and your party members will approve or disapprove of those choices. (Personal pet peeve here: I don't want to have to worry about currying favour with people in video games. There's enough of that kind of ridiculous drama in real life.) I like video games that allow you different choices that will affect how your game progresses. They make it more interesting and add to the replay value. It would have been nice if this game allowed more of those decisions to have an effect on the storyline; in most cases in this game, any option only leads to a different dialogue where you then get forced into the only outcome allowed by the story.
Will it make me want to throw my controller across the room... again?
Some of the controls were not terribly intuitive, for me, but basically it's not that difficult and you have your main spells mapped out for you in the bottom right corner of the screen so that you can't possibly forget which button does what. You will want to play around a lot with the radial menu (brought up by left trigger on the XBox) as there's a lot in there that's not immediately obvious.
One thing you need to know is that this game does NOT autosave nearly often enough and if you forget to save on your own, you're going to end up having to do a lot of stuff over after you got jumped by that group of mages twenty rooms after the last autosave.
The game does have different difficulty settings and you can switch between them mid-game if you're really getting your ass kicked. During battle you play whichever character you want and the others will fight automatically. If you choose to use it, you can have an enormous amount of control over their fighting styles via the tactics option, or if you're more coordinated than I, you can switch between them during the fight. Or you can just play a warrior, set the game to "casual", and enjoy the adventure without having to worry too much about anything more than bashing away with your sword.
Will this game consume my life?
It can. It's one of those things where you can always go just a little farther, just play for five more minutes... and then before you know it, you have to get up for work and you haven't even been to bed yet. Still, it's better than a WoW addiction.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
I did enjoy the characters in this game. They actually have some, for a start. Plus they mostly have sexy English accents and Alistair is totally doable. The girls look pretty sexy too, but you'll have to ask the Hatter or the Caterpillar if you want a really credible opinion on that matter. You have a lot of options to customize your character's appearance, you can name them whatever you like, and you can play as a man or a woman of whatever colour you desire. That's cool.
The characters on your team all have their own unique personalities and will comment on things happening in the game or have little conversations with each other while you're just wandering around. That's cool, and it makes the game a lot more engaging.
Is it worth it?
You've heard the phrase "nothing new under the sun"? Yeah. Like I said before, this is WoW lite. If you want something WoW-ish without the time commitment, this game just might do it for you. Again, nothing groundbreaking, but definitely a solid addition to the "magic and giant swords" genre.
Alan Wake
Just what's going on here anyway?
Alan Wake, a struggling writer, goes to Bright Falls with his wife hoping for some inspiration. He gets a little more than he bargained for...
Is it FUN?!
I, Alice, am a big fan of horror. I'm also sort of attention deficit and have a hard time watching movies or TV for any length of time. I need to be a little more engaged. Alan Wake was perfect for me because it's like not only watching a horror movie, but being a part of it yourself. I couldn't wait to find out what happened next and what was the truth behind Alan's story. Fun? Maybe not the right word. Interesting? Well, that's the next section of the review.
Is it interesting?
Have you ever watched a horror movie and wanted to be one of the characters? Do you like suspense, drama, and things that go bump in the night? Alan Wake is a good story told in a way that blurs the boundaries between reality and imagination. The main mechanism of the game is the age-old primal fear of the dark. Bad guy coming at you? Shine light on him. Don't know where to go? Run toward the light. Dark is bad, light is good, and that's all you really need to remember in this game.
There are essentially two different modes in the game which, again, follow the dark vs. light theme. When it's daylight you will be talking to people in a world which seems quite normal. I have to admit that I, Alice, am not a big fan of games making me do things like make coffee. I play games so that I can avoid real life, not emulate it. That said, the game doesn't make you do a whole lot of those things and much more of the story takes place after dark, when you will be running and fighting for your life in a nightmare world where shadows can attack and enemies lurk behind every tree.
The story itself is narrated by Alan and you find manuscript pages throughout which are worth reading if you care about the story at all. It is a good story; not Shakespeare, but it would certainly do for airplane reading or for some other situation in which you're looking for a diversion.
Will it make me want to throw my controller across the room... again?
Your defensive weapon in this game is a flashlight, which will (mostly) keep the bad guys at a safe distance from you or at least slow them down and weaken them. Your offensive weapon is a gun. There are also flashbangs which function much like grenades and which you will grow to love. The one big problem I had in this game was dodging, which requires you to press left button and then move around. This can be a bit difficult during a fight as your left finger is usually pretty busy on left trigger boosting the flashlight beam.
Alan is just an ordinary guy, and a writer at that; he's not too strong. He can't sprint for long distances or jump very high. He can, however, open doors... a talent so many otherwise super heroes seem to lack in video games.
It is very easy to find your way around. Aside from the yellow dot constantly showing you which direction to go, there is usually only one direction you can go in anyway, one button you can press or switch you can throw, so it's not usually too hard to figure out where you're meant to be going.
Will this game consume my life?
Once you play through the story then you're pretty much done. There's no multiplayer and not much replay value unless you want to go for achievements or trophies or unless you're the sort of person who likes watching horror movies again even after the surprises have been revealed. There are a few little things you'll notice on a second playthrough that you probably missed the first time around, but on the whole, it's not the sort of game that you'll likely want to play for months on end.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Alan is a pretty grim protagonist, but hey, if my wife had been kidnapped, all the people around me kept turning into psychotic axe murderers, and the forces of darkness were throwing boats at me, I'd probably be grumpy as well. He's definitely hot! The rest of the characters have enough personality to make them interesting. Barry is annoying but occasionally good for a laugh (the Christmas lights, in particular, made me chuckle), Sheriff Breaker is suitably strong and competent, and the Anderson brothers are probably my favourite video game characters in quite some time.
Is it worth it?
The game might be a bit difficult for casual gamers, but isn't that what walkthroughs are for? If you love horror and suspense, this is the game for you.
Splinter Cell: Conviction
Platform: Xbox 360, PC.
Just what's going on here anyway?
As with the other Splinter Cell games, You play as Sam Fisher, A now rogue super spy who is mourning the death of his daughter the only way he knows how, By taking revenge on every living thing in sight.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
You ever watch the James Bond movies, Or the Bourne Trilogy and think `Man, I want to DO that. I want to BE that guy.` Well, Here's your chance.
As a rogue spy, Your moral compass is no longer clouded by no kill orders and the like, It's open season all the time. These schmucks are in your way and there is nothing going to stop you from finding out the circumstances about your daughters death. Of course, you're only human, So your body only takes so much damage before you die. A single well placed shot can kill you dead (Luckily for you, the AI is almost never that competent.), That's where the 2 most important game mechanics comes into play, Stealth and the Mark and Execute system
For the vast majority of the game, you'll be skulking around the shadows, making sure that you're never seen or heard. The game has an incredibly easy way to tell if you're hidden from view or not, Is the screen black and white? Then you, my friend, are basically non-existent to the AI of the game. Take out someone with a melee move (Jumping down on them from a higher area, pulling them out of a window, or just simply punching them in the face.), You gain the ability to mark some targets in your visual range (amplified by the Sonar Goggles about halfway through the game), Once you mark your opponents, Simply press Y and watch Sam slaughter up to 4 marks with perfectly placed headshots. Congratulations, You've just cleared a room of bad guys in 5 seconds. Don't you feel AWESOME!? To mix things up, You can even mark your targets before you get the ability to execute. This gives you a chance to be far more strategic then just blindly firing on anybody in your path. Once you figure out all the little tricks and hints in the game, then it's pretty easy to blaze though even on the upper echelon of difficulties.
And that's just the single player. The Co-op story follows generally the same rules as the single player, But you'll want to make sure to play Co-op after the Single Player as the weapons and gadgets that you collect and modify in Single Player carry over to the Co-op story.
Is it interesting?
The storyline follows Sam as a grieving father looking for revenge, but before long the game spirals into International Intrigue variety of spy storytelling. Are you interested in EMP bombs? In huge government conspiracies that lead to the President's demise? If the answer to these questions is anything but a `yes`, then you're probably not going to be too interested in the story. Cutscenes aren't exactly skippable as you can only really skip them about 3/4ths of the way through sometimes, So you'll be listening to a lot of techno-spy-babble.
While it's not all bad and it's generally as interesting as a Bourne or a Bond movie. It can feel a little hamfisted at times, Especially during Co-op... So, you know, Buyer Beware.
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
On realistic difficulty, You betcha. The AI is incredibly smart and completely unforgiving. Even on Normal, you might find yourself restarting areas over and over again for not following the rules of engagement that the game sets down. Once you get the hang of using shadows, stealth and `Mark and Execute` to your advantage as well as the other tools that the game presents to you (Upgraded guns and gadgets), this game can become extremely easy but also extremely satisfying.
Story missions on both single player and Co-op are split up rather well and checkpoints are generally forgiving with a few annoying exceptions scattered throughout. Nothing to truly complain about, But enough to get under your skin, for sure.
Will this game consume my life?
It depends on how into the game you are. It can be as short as playing through the single player one time, Or as long as you want by collecting P.E.C. Challenges and achievements. If you're really into the game and want more beyond even the Single Player and Co-op, The game has you covered in the form of its Deniable Ops mode.
Deniable Ops is a mode of standalone missions (single player and Co-op) without any story at all, It's broken into 3 game types: Hunter, Last Stand and Infiltration (Depending on if you got this mode from Ubisofts point and content delivery system, Uplay or not.). Hunter Mode consists of hunting down 50 bad guys over 5 sections (10 per section) while trying not to get spotted, If you DO happen to get spotted, they call 10 more guards to hunt you down and kill you, So of you get spotted once a section, there's a possibility of fighting 100 enemies over the course of the level, This can get insanely frustrating as all of the guards that they call have incredibly aggressive AI.
Infiltration Mode is similar to Hunter except that when spotted or trip an alarm, It's Game Over, So you have to be incredibly careful about your movements attacks. It's generally a lot of fun, except for the random times that you'll trip an alarm after killing everybody in the area, requiring you to start that area over again.
Last Stand is Conviction's Horde Mode. You fight waves of enemies while defending an objective. The gunplay in Conviction isn't as tight as it is in a game like Gears of War II or Halo 3: ODST (Two shining examples of Horde mode) so Last Stand isn't what you'd call tons of fun. But it's fun enough with a partner.
So depending on whether or not you're interested in these modes, is how much longevity you'll get out of the game. 5+ hours for the single player storyline, 5+ for the co-op mode and as much as you want in Deniable Ops (single player and co-op). With the generous checkpoint system and the bite-sized missions in Deniable Ops (Around an hour per mission), It's easy to pick up and put down at your leisure.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Out of the cast of characters, Sam is generally the most likeable of the bunch, It's easy to sympathize with a father who's lost everything and is trying to get some sort of semblance of his life back. The second most likeable is a man names Victor Coste, Who serves as a framing device for the story as a whole and a narrator. Anna Grimsdottir serves as what I'd call an `unreliable ally` in the game, You never quite know whose side she's on even at the end.
The two members of the Co-op team, Archer and Kestrel never really get fleshed out in any sense of the word. Which is a shame because they were rather interesting for what they were.
Sam is, for the most part, the only character that you play. With the exception of one level where you actually play as Victor Coste in a flashback mission trying to rescue Sam during a mission 20 years prior to the story.
Is it worth it?
Do you like spy movies? If the answer is `Yes`. Then you'll enjoy this game. It's story is about as coherent as a summer action flick. Regardless, It's an enjoyable game whether or not you're really into spy stuff. It just helps if you ARE.
World of Warcraft
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! There are no casual WoW Players! I'm sorry, that is a trick question. Seriously. Go google WoWHead or something. www.worldofwarcraft.com
Now get out of here, we don't need your misanthropic nonsense and highfaluting need to reinforce your addiction. Seriously. Go. *shoos away*
Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan and Moeru! Nekketsu Rhythm Damashi
" 
Platform: Nintendo DS
Just what's going on here anyway?
One word: Japanese.
These are "rhythm" games. Essentially, there's a song playing and the game gives you little targets that you have to hit with the stylus in time with the music.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
That depends. Do you enjoy anime-style quirkiness? Then you'll like the story in these games. Are you a fan of Dance Dance Revolution or Guitar Hero? This is the same principle, but pocket-sized. Do you like J-pop? ... Okay, can you tolerate J-pop?
Is it interesting?
The story behind the games is that you are a group of rhythm dancers who go around helping desperate people through the power of boy-band style dance moves. It starts with a boy whose family is too noisy for him to study. Somehow bringing in three guys with dance music helps with this, I don't know, like I said - Japanese. Other stories include a salaryman (office worker) defending the city vs. a giant blue rat, a miniature guy travelling through telecommunications networks to deliver a text message, a guy who transforms into a wolf at the sight of anything circular trying to get with a girl he likes, various stories of boys and girls, both living and dead, and my favourite story of all: the rhythm group travels back in time to help a fat, ugly Cleopatra build the pyramids as part of some kind of weight-loss program so she'll be slim and beautiful when Mark Antony comes.
I love random weird stuff, so this was all right up my alley. It gets better if you can read Japanese to follow the stories... but if not, here are translations:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/ds/928590-osu-tatakae-ouendan/faqs/47789
http://www.gamefaqs.com/ds/938402-moero-nekketsu-rhythm-damashii-osu-tatakae-ouendan/faqs/48692
Will it make me want to throw my DS across the room... again?
The first thing you need to know is that these games are entirely in Japanese. However, there are not a lot of options at the beginning and so with a bit of experimentation it's not so hard to figure out what you're doing. If you get really lost, there's a guide for Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! here:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/ds/928590-osu-tatakae-ouendan/faqs/38630
Once you get your game set up you really don't have to function in Japanese ever again. Most of the game is in pictures.
The levels themselves start out pretty easy and progress to being very hard indeed. The game is pretty generous at the early levels and allows you to make a lot of mistakes without losing. You are usually given about two or three missions at once and have to complete all of them (in any order you choose) before you can move on to the next set, so it can be frustrating if you get stuck on one song (and much, much worse if it's a song you hate...) Oh, and you'll probably end up going around humming things like "Kinou mo da da da wou..." even when you're not playing the game.
Will this game consume my life?
It's a pretty short game. I finished the first level of each of the two in just a couple of hours. Of course, once you get to the harder levels, you may well find yourself stuck for days on just one song...
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
They're Japanese anime characters! i.e., quirky. The manga panels are actually pretty clear in many of the stories, so even if you can't read Japanese, you'll still be able to enjoy the story. Your team pretty much always looks determined and resolute, true heroes saving the world through the power of rhythm dancing. Osu! Osu! OSU!
Is it worth it?
Sure! They're cute little games, good for a bit of a distraction in between the more important things you have to do. Plus, you can totally impress people by telling them you're playing a game in Japanese.
Picross and Picross 3D
Platform: Nintendo DS
Just what's going on here anyway?
This is the video game version of hanjie, Japanese puzzles where you are given a big blank grid with numbers in each row and column and you have to make a picture based on those numbers. It's hard to explain, so here's a link that does it much better than I could: How to Play Hanjie.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
If you're the sort of person who enjoys logic puzzles, then yes, you will probably love Picross.
Is it interesting?
See above. Picross is pretty basic in terms of design and all that, and that's just fine with me and quite suitable for what it is - most people probably don't choose puzzle games for their flashiness. Picross 3D goes in for cutesy animations and silly music... but hey, that's what the volume slider is for. The 3D is an interesting twist on the original. There's a certain point at which both games stop getting more difficult and just keep getting bigger, and it can get a bit boring at that point... but not enough to kill my addiction. If you finish Picross 3D and still haven't had enough, you can go to Random Mode which will choose a puzzle you've already done for you to do again. You can also create your own puzzles in the 3D mode.
Will it make me want to throw my DS across the room... again?
It may very well do so once you get into the harder puzzles! Especially once you get near the end of a Free Mode puzzle and realize you screwed up a while back and can't retrace your steps and have to start all over again. Alternately, you might well get sick of working through easy puzzles to finish enough to be allowed to play the next level. There are hints available and you are allowed to make a few mistakes, so most of the puzzles really aren't too bad.
Will this game consume my life?
If you get addicted to it, as I did, then yes, it most definitely will. Some of the harder puzzles can take up to an hour to solve. You'll find yourself picking up your DS to squeeze Picross in every spare minute you have... in elevators, on toilets, in between classes. As you drift off to sleep at night, you won't be counting sheep... you'll be seeing arrangements of blocks in grids.
Is it worth it?
It is if you're a puzzle fan. Note that there are tons of Picross-style puzzles (also referred to as nonograms, or so says wiki) on the Net if you want to play for free. Check out http://www.hanjie.co.uk or http://armorgames.com/play/338/armor-picross-2 if you want to try.
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Platforms: PC, XBox 360, PS3
Just what's going on here anyway?
Arkham Asylum has been taken over by inmates led by Joker. Your job is to retake the Asylum.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
Batman sure has cool toys! You can zipline around, use the Batclaw to grab things (or enemies), spray explosive gel to detonate walls (or enemies), and of course you get your trusty Batarang which can be upgraded to throw three at once and/or a couple of varieties of "special" Batarangs. Other than in combat, the game doesn't allow much creative use of these gadgets... but hey, the combat sure can be fun. You can also swoop out of the air for an assault, pick up enemies and throw them at other enemies, and string enemies upside-down from gargoyles. If you're bored of all that and stuck for new ideas, the Predator challenges provide several interesting suggestions.
Meanwhile, you can try to find trophies left by the Riddler, Chronicles of Arkham (which get downright disturbing, especially told in that clinical, bored voice), Joker teeth to smash and riddles to solve. The more familiar you are with the Batman franchise, the easier the riddles will be for you, although aligning those *&#%ing question marks can be annoying...
Is it interesting?
It's hard to find a creepier setting than an asylum, especially one that's trashed and appears abandoned except for various groups of people who want to murder you. It's a decent story and I think it manages to stay true to the spirit of the Batman franchise. The voice acting is quite good, especially Mark Hamill as Joker (who also gets all the best lines).
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
The aforementioned question mark riddles might, but otherwise this game is nigh on idiotproof. You get a map from the start and you can find maps showing the locations of all the Riddler's stuff. At times there are even arrows painted on the walls or floor to show you which way to go. The game opens with the usual sort of tutorial about how to do what, but then throughout the game it still tells you what buttons to press and when. If you die somewhere, the post-death screen will usually give you a hint about how to beat that area.
Will this game consume my life?
Only if you want it to. Tracking down the Riddler's 240 items can take time, and there are also sixteen Challenges which you can do. Half of them are combat (stave off four waves of attackers) and half are predator (where the room is full of guys with guns and you have to take them out one by one). There's no multiplayer option as far as I know.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
So, who else besides me likes Joker more than Batman? Batman is pretty true to Batman, in this game; I mean, he's very serious and heroic, but not awfully interesting. Joker is, as always, psychotically comic. Bratty Harley Quinn, supercilious Riddler, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Commissioner Gordon and Oracle also make an appearance. Sadly, Catwoman sits this one out.
Is it worth it?
Yes, unless you totally hate Batman, in which case you're probably not reading this review anyway.
Metro 2033
Just what's going on here anyway?
It is the year 2033 (no kidding!) and you are one of the remaining citizens of Moscow, who now dwell in the Metro (you don't say!) after the apocalypse.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
The game world isn't particularly free - you're told where to go and what to do at each step, which I guess is good if you're into taking orders, but not so good if you want a chance to mess around. There are times where you get to play freely, more so in the later levels.
Quite often you have the option of running away or sneaking past rather than having to do any fighting. I'm more of a "blast the crap out of everything" kind of girl and this game is not really designed for that, but if you're into subtlety, you might enjoy it more.
Having to worry about lights and masks is rather irritating to those of us who just want ACTION!, but I suppose it adds a touch of realism and it's not exactly THAT difficult to manage.
Is it interesting?
I'm always up for a good post-apocalyptic story, and the Moscow Metro is certainly a new take on that. The stations you pass through during Artyom's quest are well-designed with little details like teddy bears and comic books, the frozen surface world they've created seems entirely plausible and chillingly creepy, and fighting Nazis and Communists is an interesting nod to history. The story starts slowly and you spend a lot of the first couple of levels just walking around, but later on the game picks up speed.
Generally, each level gives you a different task (kill stuff, get through this base, find stuff, talk to people, etc.) and they're all woven together into the story.
There are touches of the supernatural throughout this game (Anomaly being the most obvious example) and if you don't explore much then you'll miss the weird little subplot about the Dark Ones.
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
Probably. Checkpoints are very frequent, which is nice, and the levels are generally short, but you do tend to get swarmed during battles and reloading is frequent and rather slow. Plus, when you switch to a gun it doesn't load automatically, so you have to be sure to load before you even start fighting, so while surprise battles are not that common, they can be rather frustrating. You may well find yourself, as I did, screaming, "LOAD, Artyom, you wanker!" at your TV more than once as he takes his sweet little time while being mauled to death by a nosalise.
I also found the lack of a map to be troublesome, but that's just because I'm directionally challenged. You get a compass pointing to your objective and there usually aren't a lot of other directions in which you can go, so anyone who's not me will probably do just fine.
How much of my life will this game consume?
As far as I can see, the game only has a campaign (single-player) mode, so once you've finished that... you've finished. I think it took me around twenty hours, maybe, all told. Not very long.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Artyom doesn't have much of a personality. In fact, I don't think he ever speaks except for the brief observations he makes at the beginning of each chapter. The random people you meet along the way are a bit more interesting, but basically... it's a simple, harsh world in which Artyom lives, and the people you meet fit right in.
Is it worth it?
If you're into post-apocalyptic worlds, play Fallout 3. If you're into killing stuff, play Modern Warfare 2. If you've finished both, Metro 2033 may be worthwhile. This game is like a fusion of both but isn't as good as either of them.
LittleBigPlanet
Platform: Playstation 3
Just what's going on here anyway?
You love this game. No really, you do. You probably just don't know it yet. "Who are all those guys?" you may ask, leering suspiciously at the cover. Those are sackpeople. The loveable, customizable characters you control in LittleBigPlanet. For 1-4 players in single screen co-op, or online play. A classic "platformer", this game is for the most part two-dimensional. You (and optional friends) will run, jump, grab and swing through a gamut of strangely stylized levels resembling the kinds of worlds you'd create if you were trapped in an Arts and Crafts class for the Slightly Cracked(tm).
Is it FUN?!?!?!
Absolutely. If you're new to the gaming scene this is an excellent place to start. With controls reminiscent of typical side-scrolling type games, anyone who has played the original Super Mario Bros will have a general understanding of how it works. Each level has sections that can only be accessed once pieces from levels further on have been acquired, encouraging level replay even through the first playthrough. Each level and unlockable section gives you some piece of clothing with which you can outfit your Sack person.
Is it interesting?
This game is definitely eye candy. Each level is a different and quirky/strange story line that will keep you interested and moving along. The music is fun and eclectic, and the levels are unique and fun to explore, though increasingly challenging as they progress. The level styles, character customization and hidden areas will keep you coming back for more.
Will it make me want to throw my controller across the room... again?
Entertaining from the start, the tutorial (narrated by the amazing Stephen Fry) eases you step by step into the game play. "But Hatter!" you exclaim, "I am a gaming WIZ! I bleed pixels! I don't need *gasp!* Instructions!" Well, so you don't good sir! (Yes you do.) But it's presented so well, you'd be silly to miss it. The levels do get pretty challenging fairly quickly. Beginning players may find themselves frustrated while moving along the storyline, but the online play, and the online user made levels should continue to keep any player satisfied.
Will this game consume my life?
You will most likely find yourself coming back for more, and even more likely to show your friends any time they come over. The only potential snag is if you hit a difficult spot you can't get through, and end up finding another game with which to distract yourself.
Is it worth it?
Definitely so. As a casual multiplayer, it's exciting, and fun, and you can spend hours on it or just kick through a few levels, no matter the level of gamer you're playing with.
Just Cause 2
Platforms: PC, XBox 360, PS3
Just what's going on here anyway?
You are Rico Rodriguez, a US agent sent into the fictional Southeast Asian country of Panau, where a new non-US-friendly dictator has taken over and the previous US agent is nowhere to be found. Your mission? To find out what's really happening in Panau.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
BANG! KAPOW! BOOM! If you like these sounds, you'll probably like this game. By "find out what's really happening", I meant, "blow up as much stuff as possible". And there is plenty to blow up, with 369 locations to discover and explore. This game is really all about the splodies. Gas tanks, SAM sites, oil pipelines, generators, transformers, statues of the president, literally thousands of possible sabotages. If you prefer live victims, the game offers tons of creative ways to reduce the size of the Panauan military, including hanging them from buildings and whipping them to death, dragging them behind vehicles, blowing them high into the air with rockets, pulling them down from towers so they fall to their deaths... all accompanied by satisfying screams. There's also a lot of vehicular mayhem to be caused and you can do this in your vehicle of choice - motorcycles, cars, trucks, badass tanks, boats with rockets, helicopters with rockets, jets, airliners and even tractors and tuk-tuks. Plus, the island is littered with temptingly shiny boxes which, once collected, allow you to upgrade your armour or black market items. Some of them are simply cash; apparently the good people of Panau don't worry much about leaving boxes of $2500 on their back porches or in their fields.
There is a good mix of missions in the game - my favourite being the one where you get to fight hundred-year-old Japanese infantrymen. Then there are driving missions, flying missions, assassination missions of all kinds, and of course plenty of missions involving satisfying explosions.
Is it interesting?
Rico is hailed as a saviour as he goes around destroying this idyllic little island nation's infrastructure, all in the name of regime change. The storyline is silly, so silly that I have to think the developers meant it to be that way and, while far from brilliant, it's good for a few laughs. For example, the last battle of the game takes place while riding flying nukes. On the whole, the cutscenes are pretty skippable and the game doesn't force you to watch most of them.
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
This is really a pretty easy game once you get the hang of it and especially once you learn how to use the grappling hook and parachute to good effect. Switching guns once you run out of ammo (which will happen a LOT) is vaguely annoying as the game doesn't do it automatically. You will accumulate an enormous amount of money as you go through the game and so any time you get stuck you can use the black market to your advantage. The game has four difficulty settings, allowing an appropriate level of challenge for almost anyone, and it autosaves all the time so you almost never have to go back and do things over again. The one exception to this is during some missions where the checkpoints are spaced quite annoyingly far apart. However, most of the faction missions are short (sometimes only "kill this one guy") and can be made even shorter by finishing off the area before you start the mission, thus eliminating most of the resistance you would have faced. Quite a few of the races are easy as well (and btw, the checkpoints make a satisfying bang when you go through them...)
Will this game consume my life?
The game is as long as you want it to be. I finished off all the agency missions, thus beating the game, in about fifteen hours with 26% completion, but you can take your time between or after those missions and go around the island exploring all 369 (the game says 368, but somehow I ended up with 369/368) locations. I've put in 122 hours on my primary game (being temporarily unemployed has its benefits!) and am at 96% completion. As the game autosaves all the time, and as you can roam around pretty freely in this game, there's really no requirement to finish a certain set of tasks all at once. You can pick it up and put it down whenever you like and just do whatever you have time for.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Rico has some good one-liners ("Try to transport fuel now, you pipeline jerks!" and "Someone not dancing to Uncle Sam's tune?") and is generally a likeable (and ruggedly sexy!) character. The other characters are entertaining enough, though I found two out of the three faction leaders to be rather creepy...
You don't have the option to play as anyone other than Rico.
Is it worth it?
If you like big explosions, and lots of them (and who doesn't??) then this is the game for you. If you're into storytelling... well, maybe not so much.
MMORPG? FPS? Sandbox? What are all these funny words you guys keep throwing around?
RPG
Role-playing game. You get to pretend to be someone else with more fun skills than your own. Like fireballs or an enormous sword. Lots of RPGs, though not all, are set in fantasy worlds with a lot of medieval elements. Final Fantasy is a very popular and lengthy RPG series. Often you're in charge of a group of people whose skills you manage; for example, you'll have a warrior, a mage (magic user), a healer, etc., and you direct them all in working together against whatever enemies the game throws at you. MMORPG
Massively-multiplayer online role-playing game, like Everquest or World of Warcraft. These are role-playing games that you play with lots and lots of other people online. The pros? You get to play with whoever you want. You can form groups and do things together and interact with all kinds of people in all kinds of fun ways. The cons? All those aforementioned other people. Plus, these games tend to require a lot of time. You can get sucked into spending more time on a MMORPG than you do in a full-time job. To be fair, if I were allowed to fireball people who annoyed me in my job, I'd probably want to spend a lot more time there too.
Real-time strategy
Strategy. You know, thinking and planning and stuff. Strategy games let you play general. Real-time means you play at the same time as your opponent(s). See below.
Turn-based strategy
In a turn-based strategy game, on the other hand, you take turns. You are allowed to make your move, or a certain number of moves, and then you wait while your opponent makes his moves.
FPS
First-person shooter. Call of Duty or Unreal Tournament are good examples. Your view of the game is essentially the same as if you were doing it in real life, i.e. you don't get to see your own character.
MMOFPS
Massively-multiplayer online first-person shooter. Like FPS, but you get to kill a lot more people. Or be killed by a lot more people...
Third-person shooter
Same idea as FPS, but you get to see yourself. Because of the wider view, you can see a bit more of what's happening around you than you can in FPS.
Open world
In an open world game, you get to wander around the entire game at will or almost at will. Fallout 3, Crackdown, and Just Cause 2 are good recent examples. There may be areas that you aren't strong enough or don't have the tools to reach in the beginning.
Sandbox
Sandbox games let you roam around the world pretty freely and usually feature lots of people, objects, side quests, and no end of other fun. Grand Theft Auto or Crackdown are examples of sandbox games.
Sandbox games let you roam around the world pretty freely and usually feature lots of people, objects, side quests, and no end of other fun. Grand Theft Auto or Crackdown are examples of sandbox games.
Sidescroller
Sidescrollers are 2D games like the original Super Mario Brothers or most of the Castlevania series.
These games involve lots of jumping from one platform to another, usually with various obstacles and enemies in your way. Again, the original Mario Brothers games and the Castlevania series are good examples.
Consoles for Non-gamers: A Brief Introduction
PC
Let's start with this. We all know what a PC is, right? That neat little thing flashing lights and colours in front of you RIGHT NOW. Now, the difficult thing about gaming on a PC is system requirements - sometimes you need a pretty good video card or a fast processor to play a game enjoyably. This is especially applicable if you're playing multiplayer. On the other hand, you presumably already have a PC at your disposal, so there are loads of games you could be playing RIGHT NOW without much outlay of capital, everything from silly little flash games to the newest, shiniest, most hardcore games on the market today.
Microsoft XBox 360 (left) and Sony PS3 (right)
The majority of games released these days seem to be available for XBox, PS3 or PC, so you can pick your favourite, really. These are the newest generation of video game consoles and can playing anything from the newest, flashiest games on down. I'm sure you could even get Pong on there if you so chose. With an XBox you can get on XBox Live (for a fee) and compete against foul-mouthed thirteen-year-olds the world over; the PS3 has a similar online kinda deal. Or you can just gather up to three friends (assuming you have friends) or six friends if you have a PS3 (so says wiki) and play together at your house. The XBox doesn't have a Blu-Ray player but does seem to be slightly cheaper.
Nintendo Wii
Neither of us actually owns one, so I'm talking out of my ass here with the help of wiki, but in short: the Wii, another of the newest generation of consoles, has taken an entirely new and far more physical approach to gaming. Using the Wii remote, you can pretend to do just about any sport you like (preferably with the curtains closed so your neighbours don't call an asylum on you). If you're interested in that, I hear the Wii is pretty cool. Personally, I prefer being able to slouch in my comfy chair and make my character do all the work. There are regular games such as Mario for the Wii as well. It also seems to be the cheapest of the three major consoles.
Sony PSP
This is a handheld console by Sony, the makers of the Playstation. In fact, PSP stands for PlayStation Portable. Portable systems are fantastic because you can take your games anywhere; hey, you could even game in the shower (if you didn't mind constantly having to replace waterlogged equipment) or, more reasonably, the toilet, the subway, or surreptitiously at work. The downside? Small screens, and less capability. The games are generally shorter and more basic than what you could get on a Playstation or XBox, but better than cell phone games. There are old PSPs and new PSPs, the most recent being the cute little PSP Go, which wiki tells me has a whopping 16 GB of storage - a lot for a handheld console, and certainly enough to store quite a few games. You can play multiplayer with a PSP owning friend and you can also get online, watch movies or listen to music. It's a nifty multipurpose device.
Nintendo DS
Nintendo's handheld console is smaller and lighter than the PSP and it comes in lots of pretty colours! Plus, it has a stylus which you can use for some games. I'm a big fan of the stylus method of input as it's easy and somewhat more precise, for some things, than using the regular controls. As well, some games have you do stuff like blow into the microphone or shout to make things happen; this can be fun if you're sitting at home by yourself, but may cause problems if you're on the subway or in class or something. The DS doesn't have quite the same variety of games as the PSP; it tends more towards cuteness and fluffiness. It does have a lot more educational (language-learning, etc.) games available if you're into that sort of thing. It is possible to play multiplayer if your friend(s) also own(s) a DS. It can also play Game Boy Advance games.
