Splinter Cell: Conviction
Platform: Xbox 360, PC.
Just what's going on here anyway?
As with the other Splinter Cell games, You play as Sam Fisher, A now rogue super spy who is mourning the death of his daughter the only way he knows how, By taking revenge on every living thing in sight.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
You ever watch the James Bond movies, Or the Bourne Trilogy and think `Man, I want to DO that. I want to BE that guy.` Well, Here's your chance.
As a rogue spy, Your moral compass is no longer clouded by no kill orders and the like, It's open season all the time. These schmucks are in your way and there is nothing going to stop you from finding out the circumstances about your daughters death. Of course, you're only human, So your body only takes so much damage before you die. A single well placed shot can kill you dead (Luckily for you, the AI is almost never that competent.), That's where the 2 most important game mechanics comes into play, Stealth and the Mark and Execute system
For the vast majority of the game, you'll be skulking around the shadows, making sure that you're never seen or heard. The game has an incredibly easy way to tell if you're hidden from view or not, Is the screen black and white? Then you, my friend, are basically non-existent to the AI of the game. Take out someone with a melee move (Jumping down on them from a higher area, pulling them out of a window, or just simply punching them in the face.), You gain the ability to mark some targets in your visual range (amplified by the Sonar Goggles about halfway through the game), Once you mark your opponents, Simply press Y and watch Sam slaughter up to 4 marks with perfectly placed headshots. Congratulations, You've just cleared a room of bad guys in 5 seconds. Don't you feel AWESOME!? To mix things up, You can even mark your targets before you get the ability to execute. This gives you a chance to be far more strategic then just blindly firing on anybody in your path. Once you figure out all the little tricks and hints in the game, then it's pretty easy to blaze though even on the upper echelon of difficulties.
And that's just the single player. The Co-op story follows generally the same rules as the single player, But you'll want to make sure to play Co-op after the Single Player as the weapons and gadgets that you collect and modify in Single Player carry over to the Co-op story.
Is it interesting?
The storyline follows Sam as a grieving father looking for revenge, but before long the game spirals into International Intrigue variety of spy storytelling. Are you interested in EMP bombs? In huge government conspiracies that lead to the President's demise? If the answer to these questions is anything but a `yes`, then you're probably not going to be too interested in the story. Cutscenes aren't exactly skippable as you can only really skip them about 3/4ths of the way through sometimes, So you'll be listening to a lot of techno-spy-babble.
While it's not all bad and it's generally as interesting as a Bourne or a Bond movie. It can feel a little hamfisted at times, Especially during Co-op... So, you know, Buyer Beware.
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
On realistic difficulty, You betcha. The AI is incredibly smart and completely unforgiving. Even on Normal, you might find yourself restarting areas over and over again for not following the rules of engagement that the game sets down. Once you get the hang of using shadows, stealth and `Mark and Execute` to your advantage as well as the other tools that the game presents to you (Upgraded guns and gadgets), this game can become extremely easy but also extremely satisfying.
Story missions on both single player and Co-op are split up rather well and checkpoints are generally forgiving with a few annoying exceptions scattered throughout. Nothing to truly complain about, But enough to get under your skin, for sure.
Will this game consume my life?
It depends on how into the game you are. It can be as short as playing through the single player one time, Or as long as you want by collecting P.E.C. Challenges and achievements. If you're really into the game and want more beyond even the Single Player and Co-op, The game has you covered in the form of its Deniable Ops mode.
Deniable Ops is a mode of standalone missions (single player and Co-op) without any story at all, It's broken into 3 game types: Hunter, Last Stand and Infiltration (Depending on if you got this mode from Ubisofts point and content delivery system, Uplay or not.). Hunter Mode consists of hunting down 50 bad guys over 5 sections (10 per section) while trying not to get spotted, If you DO happen to get spotted, they call 10 more guards to hunt you down and kill you, So of you get spotted once a section, there's a possibility of fighting 100 enemies over the course of the level, This can get insanely frustrating as all of the guards that they call have incredibly aggressive AI.
Infiltration Mode is similar to Hunter except that when spotted or trip an alarm, It's Game Over, So you have to be incredibly careful about your movements attacks. It's generally a lot of fun, except for the random times that you'll trip an alarm after killing everybody in the area, requiring you to start that area over again.
Last Stand is Conviction's Horde Mode. You fight waves of enemies while defending an objective. The gunplay in Conviction isn't as tight as it is in a game like Gears of War II or Halo 3: ODST (Two shining examples of Horde mode) so Last Stand isn't what you'd call tons of fun. But it's fun enough with a partner.
So depending on whether or not you're interested in these modes, is how much longevity you'll get out of the game. 5+ hours for the single player storyline, 5+ for the co-op mode and as much as you want in Deniable Ops (single player and co-op). With the generous checkpoint system and the bite-sized missions in Deniable Ops (Around an hour per mission), It's easy to pick up and put down at your leisure.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Out of the cast of characters, Sam is generally the most likeable of the bunch, It's easy to sympathize with a father who's lost everything and is trying to get some sort of semblance of his life back. The second most likeable is a man names Victor Coste, Who serves as a framing device for the story as a whole and a narrator. Anna Grimsdottir serves as what I'd call an `unreliable ally` in the game, You never quite know whose side she's on even at the end.
The two members of the Co-op team, Archer and Kestrel never really get fleshed out in any sense of the word. Which is a shame because they were rather interesting for what they were.
Sam is, for the most part, the only character that you play. With the exception of one level where you actually play as Victor Coste in a flashback mission trying to rescue Sam during a mission 20 years prior to the story.
Is it worth it?
Do you like spy movies? If the answer is `Yes`. Then you'll enjoy this game. It's story is about as coherent as a summer action flick. Regardless, It's an enjoyable game whether or not you're really into spy stuff. It just helps if you ARE.
World of Warcraft
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! There are no casual WoW Players! I'm sorry, that is a trick question. Seriously. Go google WoWHead or something. www.worldofwarcraft.com
Now get out of here, we don't need your misanthropic nonsense and highfaluting need to reinforce your addiction. Seriously. Go. *shoos away*
Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan and Moeru! Nekketsu Rhythm Damashi
" 
Platform: Nintendo DS
Just what's going on here anyway?
One word: Japanese.
These are "rhythm" games. Essentially, there's a song playing and the game gives you little targets that you have to hit with the stylus in time with the music.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
That depends. Do you enjoy anime-style quirkiness? Then you'll like the story in these games. Are you a fan of Dance Dance Revolution or Guitar Hero? This is the same principle, but pocket-sized. Do you like J-pop? ... Okay, can you tolerate J-pop?
Is it interesting?
The story behind the games is that you are a group of rhythm dancers who go around helping desperate people through the power of boy-band style dance moves. It starts with a boy whose family is too noisy for him to study. Somehow bringing in three guys with dance music helps with this, I don't know, like I said - Japanese. Other stories include a salaryman (office worker) defending the city vs. a giant blue rat, a miniature guy travelling through telecommunications networks to deliver a text message, a guy who transforms into a wolf at the sight of anything circular trying to get with a girl he likes, various stories of boys and girls, both living and dead, and my favourite story of all: the rhythm group travels back in time to help a fat, ugly Cleopatra build the pyramids as part of some kind of weight-loss program so she'll be slim and beautiful when Mark Antony comes.
I love random weird stuff, so this was all right up my alley. It gets better if you can read Japanese to follow the stories... but if not, here are translations:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/ds/928590-osu-tatakae-ouendan/faqs/47789
http://www.gamefaqs.com/ds/938402-moero-nekketsu-rhythm-damashii-osu-tatakae-ouendan/faqs/48692
Will it make me want to throw my DS across the room... again?
The first thing you need to know is that these games are entirely in Japanese. However, there are not a lot of options at the beginning and so with a bit of experimentation it's not so hard to figure out what you're doing. If you get really lost, there's a guide for Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! here:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/ds/928590-osu-tatakae-ouendan/faqs/38630
Once you get your game set up you really don't have to function in Japanese ever again. Most of the game is in pictures.
The levels themselves start out pretty easy and progress to being very hard indeed. The game is pretty generous at the early levels and allows you to make a lot of mistakes without losing. You are usually given about two or three missions at once and have to complete all of them (in any order you choose) before you can move on to the next set, so it can be frustrating if you get stuck on one song (and much, much worse if it's a song you hate...) Oh, and you'll probably end up going around humming things like "Kinou mo da da da wou..." even when you're not playing the game.
Will this game consume my life?
It's a pretty short game. I finished the first level of each of the two in just a couple of hours. Of course, once you get to the harder levels, you may well find yourself stuck for days on just one song...
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
They're Japanese anime characters! i.e., quirky. The manga panels are actually pretty clear in many of the stories, so even if you can't read Japanese, you'll still be able to enjoy the story. Your team pretty much always looks determined and resolute, true heroes saving the world through the power of rhythm dancing. Osu! Osu! OSU!
Is it worth it?
Sure! They're cute little games, good for a bit of a distraction in between the more important things you have to do. Plus, you can totally impress people by telling them you're playing a game in Japanese.
Picross and Picross 3D
Platform: Nintendo DS
Just what's going on here anyway?
This is the video game version of hanjie, Japanese puzzles where you are given a big blank grid with numbers in each row and column and you have to make a picture based on those numbers. It's hard to explain, so here's a link that does it much better than I could: How to Play Hanjie.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
If you're the sort of person who enjoys logic puzzles, then yes, you will probably love Picross.
Is it interesting?
See above. Picross is pretty basic in terms of design and all that, and that's just fine with me and quite suitable for what it is - most people probably don't choose puzzle games for their flashiness. Picross 3D goes in for cutesy animations and silly music... but hey, that's what the volume slider is for. The 3D is an interesting twist on the original. There's a certain point at which both games stop getting more difficult and just keep getting bigger, and it can get a bit boring at that point... but not enough to kill my addiction. If you finish Picross 3D and still haven't had enough, you can go to Random Mode which will choose a puzzle you've already done for you to do again. You can also create your own puzzles in the 3D mode.
Will it make me want to throw my DS across the room... again?
It may very well do so once you get into the harder puzzles! Especially once you get near the end of a Free Mode puzzle and realize you screwed up a while back and can't retrace your steps and have to start all over again. Alternately, you might well get sick of working through easy puzzles to finish enough to be allowed to play the next level. There are hints available and you are allowed to make a few mistakes, so most of the puzzles really aren't too bad.
Will this game consume my life?
If you get addicted to it, as I did, then yes, it most definitely will. Some of the harder puzzles can take up to an hour to solve. You'll find yourself picking up your DS to squeeze Picross in every spare minute you have... in elevators, on toilets, in between classes. As you drift off to sleep at night, you won't be counting sheep... you'll be seeing arrangements of blocks in grids.
Is it worth it?
It is if you're a puzzle fan. Note that there are tons of Picross-style puzzles (also referred to as nonograms, or so says wiki) on the Net if you want to play for free. Check out http://www.hanjie.co.uk or http://armorgames.com/play/338/armor-picross-2 if you want to try.
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Platforms: PC, XBox 360, PS3
Just what's going on here anyway?
Arkham Asylum has been taken over by inmates led by Joker. Your job is to retake the Asylum.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
Batman sure has cool toys! You can zipline around, use the Batclaw to grab things (or enemies), spray explosive gel to detonate walls (or enemies), and of course you get your trusty Batarang which can be upgraded to throw three at once and/or a couple of varieties of "special" Batarangs. Other than in combat, the game doesn't allow much creative use of these gadgets... but hey, the combat sure can be fun. You can also swoop out of the air for an assault, pick up enemies and throw them at other enemies, and string enemies upside-down from gargoyles. If you're bored of all that and stuck for new ideas, the Predator challenges provide several interesting suggestions.
Meanwhile, you can try to find trophies left by the Riddler, Chronicles of Arkham (which get downright disturbing, especially told in that clinical, bored voice), Joker teeth to smash and riddles to solve. The more familiar you are with the Batman franchise, the easier the riddles will be for you, although aligning those *&#%ing question marks can be annoying...
Is it interesting?
It's hard to find a creepier setting than an asylum, especially one that's trashed and appears abandoned except for various groups of people who want to murder you. It's a decent story and I think it manages to stay true to the spirit of the Batman franchise. The voice acting is quite good, especially Mark Hamill as Joker (who also gets all the best lines).
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
The aforementioned question mark riddles might, but otherwise this game is nigh on idiotproof. You get a map from the start and you can find maps showing the locations of all the Riddler's stuff. At times there are even arrows painted on the walls or floor to show you which way to go. The game opens with the usual sort of tutorial about how to do what, but then throughout the game it still tells you what buttons to press and when. If you die somewhere, the post-death screen will usually give you a hint about how to beat that area.
Will this game consume my life?
Only if you want it to. Tracking down the Riddler's 240 items can take time, and there are also sixteen Challenges which you can do. Half of them are combat (stave off four waves of attackers) and half are predator (where the room is full of guys with guns and you have to take them out one by one). There's no multiplayer option as far as I know.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
So, who else besides me likes Joker more than Batman? Batman is pretty true to Batman, in this game; I mean, he's very serious and heroic, but not awfully interesting. Joker is, as always, psychotically comic. Bratty Harley Quinn, supercilious Riddler, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Commissioner Gordon and Oracle also make an appearance. Sadly, Catwoman sits this one out.
Is it worth it?
Yes, unless you totally hate Batman, in which case you're probably not reading this review anyway.
Metro 2033
Just what's going on here anyway?
It is the year 2033 (no kidding!) and you are one of the remaining citizens of Moscow, who now dwell in the Metro (you don't say!) after the apocalypse.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
The game world isn't particularly free - you're told where to go and what to do at each step, which I guess is good if you're into taking orders, but not so good if you want a chance to mess around. There are times where you get to play freely, more so in the later levels.
Quite often you have the option of running away or sneaking past rather than having to do any fighting. I'm more of a "blast the crap out of everything" kind of girl and this game is not really designed for that, but if you're into subtlety, you might enjoy it more.
Having to worry about lights and masks is rather irritating to those of us who just want ACTION!, but I suppose it adds a touch of realism and it's not exactly THAT difficult to manage.
Is it interesting?
I'm always up for a good post-apocalyptic story, and the Moscow Metro is certainly a new take on that. The stations you pass through during Artyom's quest are well-designed with little details like teddy bears and comic books, the frozen surface world they've created seems entirely plausible and chillingly creepy, and fighting Nazis and Communists is an interesting nod to history. The story starts slowly and you spend a lot of the first couple of levels just walking around, but later on the game picks up speed.
Generally, each level gives you a different task (kill stuff, get through this base, find stuff, talk to people, etc.) and they're all woven together into the story.
There are touches of the supernatural throughout this game (Anomaly being the most obvious example) and if you don't explore much then you'll miss the weird little subplot about the Dark Ones.
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
Probably. Checkpoints are very frequent, which is nice, and the levels are generally short, but you do tend to get swarmed during battles and reloading is frequent and rather slow. Plus, when you switch to a gun it doesn't load automatically, so you have to be sure to load before you even start fighting, so while surprise battles are not that common, they can be rather frustrating. You may well find yourself, as I did, screaming, "LOAD, Artyom, you wanker!" at your TV more than once as he takes his sweet little time while being mauled to death by a nosalise.
I also found the lack of a map to be troublesome, but that's just because I'm directionally challenged. You get a compass pointing to your objective and there usually aren't a lot of other directions in which you can go, so anyone who's not me will probably do just fine.
How much of my life will this game consume?
As far as I can see, the game only has a campaign (single-player) mode, so once you've finished that... you've finished. I think it took me around twenty hours, maybe, all told. Not very long.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Artyom doesn't have much of a personality. In fact, I don't think he ever speaks except for the brief observations he makes at the beginning of each chapter. The random people you meet along the way are a bit more interesting, but basically... it's a simple, harsh world in which Artyom lives, and the people you meet fit right in.
Is it worth it?
If you're into post-apocalyptic worlds, play Fallout 3. If you're into killing stuff, play Modern Warfare 2. If you've finished both, Metro 2033 may be worthwhile. This game is like a fusion of both but isn't as good as either of them.
LittleBigPlanet
Platform: Playstation 3
Just what's going on here anyway?
You love this game. No really, you do. You probably just don't know it yet. "Who are all those guys?" you may ask, leering suspiciously at the cover. Those are sackpeople. The loveable, customizable characters you control in LittleBigPlanet. For 1-4 players in single screen co-op, or online play. A classic "platformer", this game is for the most part two-dimensional. You (and optional friends) will run, jump, grab and swing through a gamut of strangely stylized levels resembling the kinds of worlds you'd create if you were trapped in an Arts and Crafts class for the Slightly Cracked(tm).
Is it FUN?!?!?!
Absolutely. If you're new to the gaming scene this is an excellent place to start. With controls reminiscent of typical side-scrolling type games, anyone who has played the original Super Mario Bros will have a general understanding of how it works. Each level has sections that can only be accessed once pieces from levels further on have been acquired, encouraging level replay even through the first playthrough. Each level and unlockable section gives you some piece of clothing with which you can outfit your Sack person.
Is it interesting?
This game is definitely eye candy. Each level is a different and quirky/strange story line that will keep you interested and moving along. The music is fun and eclectic, and the levels are unique and fun to explore, though increasingly challenging as they progress. The level styles, character customization and hidden areas will keep you coming back for more.
Will it make me want to throw my controller across the room... again?
Entertaining from the start, the tutorial (narrated by the amazing Stephen Fry) eases you step by step into the game play. "But Hatter!" you exclaim, "I am a gaming WIZ! I bleed pixels! I don't need *gasp!* Instructions!" Well, so you don't good sir! (Yes you do.) But it's presented so well, you'd be silly to miss it. The levels do get pretty challenging fairly quickly. Beginning players may find themselves frustrated while moving along the storyline, but the online play, and the online user made levels should continue to keep any player satisfied.
Will this game consume my life?
You will most likely find yourself coming back for more, and even more likely to show your friends any time they come over. The only potential snag is if you hit a difficult spot you can't get through, and end up finding another game with which to distract yourself.
Is it worth it?
Definitely so. As a casual multiplayer, it's exciting, and fun, and you can spend hours on it or just kick through a few levels, no matter the level of gamer you're playing with.
Just Cause 2
Platforms: PC, XBox 360, PS3
Just what's going on here anyway?
You are Rico Rodriguez, a US agent sent into the fictional Southeast Asian country of Panau, where a new non-US-friendly dictator has taken over and the previous US agent is nowhere to be found. Your mission? To find out what's really happening in Panau.
Is it FUN?!?!?!
BANG! KAPOW! BOOM! If you like these sounds, you'll probably like this game. By "find out what's really happening", I meant, "blow up as much stuff as possible". And there is plenty to blow up, with 369 locations to discover and explore. This game is really all about the splodies. Gas tanks, SAM sites, oil pipelines, generators, transformers, statues of the president, literally thousands of possible sabotages. If you prefer live victims, the game offers tons of creative ways to reduce the size of the Panauan military, including hanging them from buildings and whipping them to death, dragging them behind vehicles, blowing them high into the air with rockets, pulling them down from towers so they fall to their deaths... all accompanied by satisfying screams. There's also a lot of vehicular mayhem to be caused and you can do this in your vehicle of choice - motorcycles, cars, trucks, badass tanks, boats with rockets, helicopters with rockets, jets, airliners and even tractors and tuk-tuks. Plus, the island is littered with temptingly shiny boxes which, once collected, allow you to upgrade your armour or black market items. Some of them are simply cash; apparently the good people of Panau don't worry much about leaving boxes of $2500 on their back porches or in their fields.
There is a good mix of missions in the game - my favourite being the one where you get to fight hundred-year-old Japanese infantrymen. Then there are driving missions, flying missions, assassination missions of all kinds, and of course plenty of missions involving satisfying explosions.
Is it interesting?
Rico is hailed as a saviour as he goes around destroying this idyllic little island nation's infrastructure, all in the name of regime change. The storyline is silly, so silly that I have to think the developers meant it to be that way and, while far from brilliant, it's good for a few laughs. For example, the last battle of the game takes place while riding flying nukes. On the whole, the cutscenes are pretty skippable and the game doesn't force you to watch most of them.
Will it make me want to throw my controller through my TV... again?
This is really a pretty easy game once you get the hang of it and especially once you learn how to use the grappling hook and parachute to good effect. Switching guns once you run out of ammo (which will happen a LOT) is vaguely annoying as the game doesn't do it automatically. You will accumulate an enormous amount of money as you go through the game and so any time you get stuck you can use the black market to your advantage. The game has four difficulty settings, allowing an appropriate level of challenge for almost anyone, and it autosaves all the time so you almost never have to go back and do things over again. The one exception to this is during some missions where the checkpoints are spaced quite annoyingly far apart. However, most of the faction missions are short (sometimes only "kill this one guy") and can be made even shorter by finishing off the area before you start the mission, thus eliminating most of the resistance you would have faced. Quite a few of the races are easy as well (and btw, the checkpoints make a satisfying bang when you go through them...)
Will this game consume my life?
The game is as long as you want it to be. I finished off all the agency missions, thus beating the game, in about fifteen hours with 26% completion, but you can take your time between or after those missions and go around the island exploring all 369 (the game says 368, but somehow I ended up with 369/368) locations. I've put in 122 hours on my primary game (being temporarily unemployed has its benefits!) and am at 96% completion. As the game autosaves all the time, and as you can roam around pretty freely in this game, there's really no requirement to finish a certain set of tasks all at once. You can pick it up and put it down whenever you like and just do whatever you have time for.
Do I want to spend that much of my life with these people?
Rico has some good one-liners ("Try to transport fuel now, you pipeline jerks!" and "Someone not dancing to Uncle Sam's tune?") and is generally a likeable (and ruggedly sexy!) character. The other characters are entertaining enough, though I found two out of the three faction leaders to be rather creepy...
You don't have the option to play as anyone other than Rico.
Is it worth it?
If you like big explosions, and lots of them (and who doesn't??) then this is the game for you. If you're into storytelling... well, maybe not so much.